The Kash-Inn

So Happy New Year 2012 to everyone, seems we had quite a quiet transition. Doesn’t really feel any different to me, then again I have been sitting home since Friday night pretty much doing nothing around the house besides napping, watching TV and the occasional phone call or text reply. I’ve never really been one to go out on New Year’s Eve and party. I’ve done it in the past and don’t remember any stand out parties that made me want to regularly participate each year.

I start a new year at work in the morning, and I must say I am not very enthused about it. We have a great new manager for my department that is putting things on the right track, but I feel it’s inevitable that I will be replaced soon. It’s happened before where a new manager is hired and within 6 months, people in the department are slowly replaced by their own personal choices. I love what I do and to be honest, I do like the company that I work for, although it could be explained by a feeling of complacency. I have nearly 20 years in my current career and all I have been looking for is that one job that I could finish out the next 20 years comfortably and be able to actually retire from a job instead of my current plan that includes working until the day I die. Enough about that, I’ll wait and see what the new year brings. There are projects galore that go with putting together a complete new infrastructure. This does excite me as I can’t wait to implement new technology and learn. That’s the best part of my chosen career. I always have to keep up on the latest and greatest technology out there. I continually have to learn and evolve. It is repetitive work most of the time and sometimes I feel like the Maytag repairman, just waiting for something to break so I can rush to fix it. Then there are the projects that make it all worth it as well as the crises that pop up like a failed server or bad router or complete system restore. Hours and hours of time and thought put into making sure it all goes perfect the first time around, otherwise hours could turn into more hours and even worse, scowls of frustrated management anxiously awaiting the fix. So Tuesday is my Monday this week as I approach 5 years of service. Here’s hoping it’s a great year at work.

New year has also brought me back to cohabitation with my girlfriend and her 2 children. I seem to always put myself in this exact position, but it is where I am comfortable and where I like to be. So far it’s been great. Kids in the house, someone always home to talk to and do things with. Gina is my friend as well and that makes all the difference in the world. We pick on each other and talk and cook and do lots of things together but best of all we laugh a lot together. I think that’s been something I have never really put much effort in my previous relationships. It’s not that I wasn’t trying to be a friend, it’s that I took that part for granted as if it was to be automatically built into the relationship. I can look back and see where I am guilty of no effort whatsoever and I can also see the same in those previous partners. I wish I could apologize, but wouldn’t that be a lie considering that I really had no idea at the time I was doing anything wrong? It seems that I really had it backwards all along. I put all the time and energy into being her friend as well as her children’s friend, and find that the rest of the relationship falls into place nicely. The friendship takes lots of work, the love and feelings only take but a little acknowledgement now and then. I think we made a good decision to live together, we’ve been dating 2 years and have known each other for over 15. I have no regrets so far and I have been a happier person lately, enjoying every minute of it. I believe my friends do support my decision, but they each accept it in their own ways. Some still come around and hang out as if nothing has changed and others now are distant and only chat with me once in awhile. I don’t take it personally as I know it’s difficult being single and hanging out with married or committed couples. You always seem to feel like a 3rd wheel, or even worse, they are always trying to set you up with one of their other single friends.

Well, off to bed for now, I think I’ll keep trying this blogging thing each day, beats talking to the dog after everyone else is asleep…..

Over the years I have found that there are many people that I have called “friend” as well as many people that have called me the same.  I think this term is taken entirely too lightly by too many people.  I have stated that there are many people that I have called friend, although throughout the years I have come to realize there are actually very few people that I would honestly consider my friends.  There are people I have gone to school with, worked with, served in the military with and just met through other people, but that doesn’t automatically make them my friends.  I’ve learned that the few people that I do consider true friends have earned that title in my mind.

In my humble opinion, my “friends” are people that I implicitly trust with every aspect of my own life.  They are not situational friends, or there out of convenience.  They aren’t around because of what I have or don’t have.  They don’t care what I do for a living, where I live or whatever else is going on in my life.  They care about my well being.  They care about what may adversely affect my life and whether or not I may be screwing up my own life.  They have their opinions and openly voice them to me, yet at the same time to not force them on me and do not try to manipulate my decisions based on their opinions.  They stand behind me through thick and thin and are there for me when I need them as I am there for them.  We respect each other for who we are as people, not what we have or what we might be able to gain.

I have seen the worst in people when it comes to being a “friend” as well.  The “users” and the “abusers”.  The “convenient friend” that is only there when it benefits them directly.  The “friend” that wouldn’t do anything for you at the drop of a hat because you needed them, unless of course there was some type of benefit or advantage they would gain.  I have personally cut several of these people out of my life for that very reason, they were never truly my friend.  I’m not innocent by any means when it comes to being a person’s friend either.  I’m sure I have neglected and stepped on people in my life that were good friends, unfortunately not seeing it at the time.  It’s a difficult lesson to learn and it’s also very hard work to maintain true friends.

I’ve recently gained new respect for people in my life that I didn’t think were my friends.  I either made a snap judgement call due to influence from others or even worse, I looked at them superficially choosing not to be associated with them due to how they looked or what they did instead of looking at them as a person.  For this, I do apologize.  I have awesome friends in my life that I love and care for deeply and I wouldn’t give them up for anything.  What hurts is to see others that in their time of need, the people that they called friends are nowhere to be found.  This is inexcusable and I cannot believe there are so many people in the world that are like this.

I ask you this:  Can you look in the mirror and say that you would want you as a best friend?  When you lay your head down at the end of the day to go to sleep, can you say that you did everything you could to be a good friend to those that you call your friends?  Take a step back and think about it because good friends are an asset in life and I for one could not be happy without my friends in my life.

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.  The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”  ~Henri Nouwen